dreaming of being a star

Your lips move like a stuttering soliloquy
reciting rehearsed lines from the prose of your mind
but the subtext of your heart proves you a liar
your curvaceous silhouette conceals your sly hesitance
but the contours of your heart bulge through the scars in your skin
not cuts, but scars
cuts are endodermal but these scars are endocardial
they are cardinal; like the color of your blood
as it frees itself from the prison of your wrists
shackled hate unfettered from arteries 
arteries so clogged that mere breath is stolen from you
lungs filled with regret
plagued from the infection of past deeds
cloistered by apprehension and blundered trust
you are recluse
shamed by reckless love and blackmailed happiness
trust; born of a virgin 
too naive to discern and
your bones were made of glass, stained glass
stained blue by despair
and shattered by cutting bitterness from broken promises
the cons in their speech led to knives in your back: conniving
your pride lies 
lies murdered in the streets of abusive relationships
you’re abandoning ship
but smooth seas never made a skilled sailor
so you take a ship called emotion and sail her
sail her farther west than sins were cast
joy castrated from your heart
a weary soul casts a shadow of impotence on unsuspecting travelers
but you travel alone
bearing the burden of darkness entirely
willing to trade intimacy for a quiet conscience
and passion for sane thoughts
you travel alone
a lone wanderer
or maybe a soul wanderer 
they say “not all who wander are lost”
but you are lost
shipwrecked in a teeming town of solitude
your eyes are like Paris in the rain
dark, but still lovely
abandoned, yet hopeful
a contradiction
the antithesis of optimism
but not quite a pessimist
with ambitious dreams and lofty aspirations
self pity is a temptation
that leads to self depravation
and allusive fantasia
you’re a dreamer
with your head in the clouds
and an anchor on your ankles
the immobility is paralyzing
you linger with your head high but your spirits downcast
your sun was cast down from its conceited throne
and thus ceases the illumination of the moon
so you waltz with stars
though they burn you, they save you
though they cut you, there you find salvation
you envy the stars
they fall when they desire
shoot daydreams in beams of freckled light to a lamenting earth
and people are always thrusting dreams upon their shimmer
but as those stars grow brighter
your light fades
dimmer, dimmer, dimmer
until the only lightness about you is a free spirit
unabridged apathy
bridges the gap between body and soul
now your arms are your mind’s diary
your heart’s monologue
logging every affliction 
affectionately writing love on your arms
hoping someone might speak your language
but your silent screams fall on deaf ears and colorblind eyes
as you lie in bed at night
dreaming of being a star
you have a faint hope
a faint hope that tomorrow will be a different day

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