space

when I met you I was scared to fall in love
butterflies grew claws and scratched up my insides
no coincidence that eyes dilate for both fear and longing
my heart learns you
molds only to your hands
your hands know me
know only my throat
windpipe beckoned to bone
and bones to dust
our first date was on backs looking up at stars
that familiar shimmer reminds me that you placed those flickers in the air
then you created space to keep the stars from ever seeing the sun
now space has filled my veins
and the moon lies behind my tongue
my breaths become reflections
my blood seeps into puddles beneath my feet
and I remember that these stars are not yours
I’ve thought my feelings into fog
filled my lungs with smog
there is no turning back from this place I have escaped into
who I have become loves who I am more than she ever did

wanderer

I have changed my identity 1000 times
hidden pieces of myself in places you can never occupy
places you don’t even know exist
I’m a wanderer
attachment is not a concept I give into easily
or frequently
the space between my bones and my skin has become a safe one
curling up next to the shivering frame of my body in the nighttime
and when it’s only dark within my chest
my heart quivers in sunlight like a vampire
or a broken girl
he asked me why I struggled against him
I said because you can’t know me too well
then I moved across state lines because they knew me too well
solemn solitude has become my sole accomplice
walking lonely trails at dusk
praying I get lost in the vastness of the lonely
pulling myself away from connectedness
and grimly lit silhouettes of intimacy
I clawed myself out of the depths of hell
but when I reached for a hand to hold onto
I could only find mine

grandmother

her memories drifted to sleep younger than she
but her thoughts sang chords
she lies in bed with back down and music up
unable to recognize faces
she sings me a song
a chorus
an ode to her lifestory
she will never remember the days spent sipping coffee with the spice of Cajun stories on her tongue
but she knows every word to please come to boston
synapses become lyrics
and lyrics are love in its simplest form

unbeknownst

I dance the line between real and whimsical
darling, you are the force-field that keeps me grounded
bends and warps, but always catches me
noose me to the hip of ambition, and set me free
let it pull and tug
and move me to greatness
I want to do this life with you
I want life
if only you knew how rare an utterance such as this was before you
my soul lied in wait for the god that never was and never will be,
but you are my first sip of water after a 500 mile walk though a desert through which none have treaded
the only breath that never escaped me
the only future that will not phase me
I thank the stars for every beautiful and broken thing that led me to your arms
my pious curses have been silenced
my screams have been bottled with a message to sender and thrown into an ocean too deep for us to comprehend
I have learned to love the winds and curves of the sidewalk
I have learned to love
our scars melt together beneath sheets I never thought I’d touch,
under a moon whose rays I never though I’d feel
you brought me back from a place unbeknownst,
and unbeknownst to me, you saved me